Newest Jokes
Spouse Shopping (2)
joke: "A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:\n\nYou may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!\n\nSo, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: \n\nFloor 1\nThese men Have Jobs\n\nShe is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads: \n\nFloor 2\nThese men Have Jobs and Love Kids. \n\n\"That's nice,\" she thinks, \"but I want more.\" \nSo she continues upward. The third floor sign reads: \n\nFloor 3\nThese men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking. \n\n\"Wow!\" she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. \nShe goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads: \n\nFloor 4\nThese men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.\n\n\"Oh, mercy me!\" she exclaims, \"I can hardly stand it!\" \nStill, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads: \n\nFloor 5\nThese men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak. \n\nShe is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads: \n\nFloor 6\nYou are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.\n\nThank you for shopping at the Husband Store. \n\nPLEASE NOTE:\nTo avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.\n\n* The first floor has wives that love sex. \n* The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer. \n* The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited."
source: unknown
prom (-1)
joke: "Q: What do you call a bunch of tractors parked in front of a McDonald's on Friday night in Iowa?\n\nA: Prom."
source: jokes.com
70's (-2) adult
joke: "Q. How can you tell if a porno was made in the 70's?\n\nA. The guys' schlongs have sideburns!"
source: jokes.com
I clicked cancel! (1)
joke: "I had this conversation recently with a lady who swore she had been using computers since forever.\n\n� Tech Support: \"All right. Now click 'OK'.\"\n\n� Customer: \"Click 'OK'?\"\n\n� Tech Support: \"Yes, click 'OK'.\"\n\n� Customer: \"Click 'OK'?\"\n\n� Tech Support: \"That's right. Click 'OK'.\"\n\n� Customer: \"So I click 'OK', right?\"\n\n� Tech Support: \"Right. Click 'OK'.\"\n\nPause.\n\n� Customer: \"I clicked 'Cancel'.\"\n\n� Tech Support: \"YOU CLICKED 'CANCEL'???\"\n\n� Customer: \"That's what I was supposed to do, right?\"\n\n� Tech Support: \"No, you were supposed to click 'OK'.\"\n\n� Customer: \"I thought you said to click 'Cancel'.\"\n\n� Tech Support: \"NO. I said to click 'OK'.\"\n\n� Customer: \"Oh.\"\n\n� Tech Support: \"Now we have to start over.\"\n\n� Customer: \"Why?\"\n\n� Tech Support: \"Because you clicked 'Cancel'.\"\n\n� Customer: \"Wasn't I supposed to click 'Cancel'?\"\n\n� Tech Support: \"No. Forget that. Let's start from the top.\"\n\n� Customer: \"Ok.\"\n\nI spent the next fifteen minutes re-constructing the carefully crafted setup for this lady's unique computer.\n\n� Tech Support: \"All right. Now, are you ready to click 'OK'?\"\n\n� Customer: \"Yes.\"\n\n� Tech Support: \"Great. Now click 'OK'.\"\n\nPause.\n\n� Customer: \"I clicked 'Cancel'.\"\n\nYet people wonder why my mouse pad has a spot labeled \"BANG HEAD HERE!\" ;-)"
source: 'http://sites.wikidot.com/joke:i-clicked-cancel'
Buy A Computer (1)
joke: "COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT … .\n\nABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?\nCOSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about\nbuying a computer.\n\nABBOTT: Mac?\nCOSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.\n\nABBOTT: Your computer?\nCOSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.\n\nABBOTT: Mac?\nCOSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.\n\nABBOTT: What about Windows?\nCOSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?\n\nABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?\nCOSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look in the windows?\n\nABBOTT: Wallpaper.\nCOSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.\n\nABBOTT: Software for Windows?\nCOSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What have you got?\n\nABBOTT: Office.\nCOSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?\n\nABBOTT: I just did.\nCOSTELLO: You just did what?\n\nABBOTT: Recommend something.\nCOSTELLO: You recommended something?\n\nABBOTT: Yes.\nCOSTELLO: For my office?\n\nABBOTT: Yes.\nCOSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?\n\nABBOTT: Office.\nCOSTELLO: Yes, for my office!\n\nABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.\nCOSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, lets just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?\n\nABBOTT: Word.\nCOSTELLO: What word?\n\nABBOTT: Word in Office.\nCOSTELLO: The only word in office is office.\n\nABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.\nCOSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?\n\nABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue \"W\".\nCOSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue \"w\" if you don't start with some straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the Internet?\n\nABBOTT: Yes, you want Real One.\nCOSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your\nbusiness. Just tell me what I need!\n\nABBOTT: Real One.\nCOSTELLO: If it's a long movie I also want to see reel 2, 3 & 4. Can I watch them?\n\nABBOTT: Of course.\nCOSTELLO: Great! With what?\n\nABBOTT: Real One.\nCOSTELLO: OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do?\n\nABBOTT: You click the blue \"1\".\nCOSTELLO: I click the blue one what?\n\nABBOTT: The blue \"1\".\nCOSTELLO: Is that different from the blue w?\n\nABBOTT: The blue \"1\" is Real One and the blue \"W\" is Word.\nCOSTELLO: What word?\n\nABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.\nCOSTELLO: But there are three words in \"office for windows\"!\n\nABBOTT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world.\nCOSTELLO: It is?\n\nABBOTT: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words out there.\nCOSTELLO: And that word is real one?\n\nABBOTT: Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn't even part of\nOffice.\nCOSTELLO: STOP! Don't start that again. What about financial bookkeeping?\nYou have anything I can track my money with?\n\nABBOTT: Money.\nCOSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?\n\nABBOTT: Money.\nCOSTELLO: I need money to track my money?\n\nABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer?\nCOSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?\n\nABBOTT: Money.\nCOSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?\n\nABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.\nCOSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?\n\nABBOTT: One copy.\nCOSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?\n\nABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy money.\nCOSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?\n\nABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!\n\nA FEW DAYS LATER…\nABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?\n\nCOSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?\nABBOTT: Click on \"START\"…"
source: 'http://sites.wikidot.com/joke:buying-a-computer'
